


Falling Slowly

by guilt_is_for_mortals



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Hopeful Ending, Love conquers The Lonely, M/M, Martin Centric, Martin fading in the Lonely, Pining, Sad, Songfic, Spoilers up to MAG159
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guilt_is_for_mortals/pseuds/guilt_is_for_mortals
Summary: Take this sinking boat and point it homeWe've still got timeRaise your hopeful voice, you have a choiceYou've made it now
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Falling Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard fit Jons and Martins journey so well. 
> 
> A huge thanks to thunderfcknroad for beta reading!!

**_I don't know you_ **

**_But I want you_ **

**_All the more for that_ **

**_Words fall through me_ **

**_And always fool me_ **

**_And I can't react_  
  
**Wasn’t it strange how much one could love a person without even knowing them?   
Just having met, barely spoken a few words.   
Wanting to know so much more, always more.  
Everything.   
  
Jon had not even been nice to him back then, always leaving him wondering.   
Leaving him feeling so small, so stupid.   
Again and again, until he called himself stupid, late at night.   
Thinking of Jon and wondering.   
  
All the things he said, trying to coax out a friendly word or two.   
All in vain, only making a fool out of himself.   
He did not know what to do anymore.   
The feelings not fading.   
  
He chose to ignore them for a while.  
More pressing matters to worry about, locked up.  
Knocking outside. Wondering.  
Would he come out alive?  
Would Jon care?  
  
**_And games that never amount_ **

**_To more than they're meant_ **

**_Will play themselves out_  
  
**Trying so much to change. Not the right person for this, needing to be someone else.   
Play the game.   
Jon offering him a place to stay in the archives. Did he care?  
Crying himself to sleep so many night.  
Be stronger, harden your heart.  
  
Worms. Corkscrews. Fire Extinguishers.  
Jon opening up to him, admitting that he believes. Finally he believes.   
Wanting to feel safe. Well, they weren’t safe, were they?  
Heart to heart.  
Why was he still here? He was trapped, bound to the Institute. Bound to Jon.  
A ghost? Really?  
  
Lost in the tunnels, the others gone.  
Gertrudes Body.  
Gone.   
Jon with his scars, still beautiful, becoming paranoid.  
Going to lunch with him because Jon did not know how to take care of himself.  
His letter, his lies.   
  
Jon did not trust him either.   
He stopped playing, after that, all cards on the table.   
Jon believed him. Smiling, for the first time.  
No more games.   
  
**_Take this sinking boat and point it home_ **

**_We've still got time_ **

**_Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice_ **

**_You'll make it now_  
  
**Jon is missing, but Martin refuses to believe.  
Not a killer.  
Reading statements, maybe he understands. Addiction.  
Trying to stay way, trying to not hurt them while it was all going down.   
He wants Jon to come home, but he made a choice.   
Come home.  
  
He is different, when he comes back.   
Worrying about him, why does he worry?  
Oh, he cares.  
The world might end, not just yet.  
There is still time.  
  
He is so scared, always.   
Not this time.  
He is not running anymore, is he? Running into his own trap.  
He wants to, even though it will hurt, he wants to.  
It’s his choice to do.   
  
**_Falling slowly, eyes that know me_ **

**_And I can't go back_ **

**_And moods that take me and erase me_ **

**_And I'm painted black_  
  
**Was Jon still the person he was before he went to sleep, how could he be?  
Tim is dead.   
Jon wants to see him, Jon wants to see. Always seeing.  
He is busy, no more writing.  
How do you write poetry when all you can feel is going grey.   
  
It is complicated, but he is fine.  
No more poetry.  
Fine. Busy.   
Erased.  
  
He missed Jon, but he needed to be lonely.  
Isolation.   
He can’t explain but it is for the best.  
What other chance do they have?  
He can not trust Peter, but Jon will be safe.  
They all will.   
  
**_Well, you have suffered enough_ **

**_And warred with yourself_ **

**_It's time that you won_  
  
**Jon trusts him, he misses him, worry in his eyes.  
His mother is dead. It is better this way.  
Stop finding me.  
  
Jon died and he can’t let that happen again.  
He won’t hesitate.  
Jon came back, but what if he had not?  
Piling tapes onto a coffin, a guiding light for him.  
Stay safe.   
  
Jon wants control, but he is losing it in the progress.  
Where do lost things go?  
He gets comfortable with the distance.   
Lonely. 

It is easier when he is lonely.  
He needs to be alone.   
He needs to do this for everyone, no one else needs to get hurt.  
They would win. **  
  
_Take this sinking boat and point it home_ **

**_We've still got time_ **

**_Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice_ **

**_You've made it now_** _  
  
_Jon wants to leave.  
He does not want to decide, he does not want to make a choice.  
Fuck off.  
Jon tells him he trusts him, trusts him to give find a reason not to.   
He does not want to do it alone.  
Alone.  
  
The Lonely has got him, he thinks it always did.  
Jon will be there, just don’t wait too long.  
Was there time to wait?

Going into the lonely is easy, no coming back.  
Nothing. He feels nothing at all.  
He did not care, it was his choice after all.  
A good way to get killed.  
All worth saving Jon.  
  
“You‘ve still got time, Archivist, turn around."  
  
I came for you, I thought you might be lost.  
Lost.   
Nothing hurts here, it is just quiet.  
No pain.  
I really loved you, you know.  
  
“He made his choice, it wasn’t you.”  
  
**_Falling slowly, sing your melody_ **

**_I'll sing along_ **  
  
He was not on his own, not anymore.  
Let’s go home.  
How?  
Don’t worry, I know the way. 


End file.
